Radhika MundraWhy is marriage such a pressing issue?
Mostly in small or second-tier towns, like the one I belong to, a girl, as soon as she attains the age of twenty, the talks of her marriage start hovering around the entire neighbourhood. In some cases, the age above is replaced by the legal age, that is, 18.
The mentality, as I reckon, is still very mediocre as regards independence and marriage in the minds of the people.
- Marriage Can Wait Education Cannot.
The Mentality
The world has moved on about considering a girl child as a burden, a curse, but India still marches on the same road. We live in that part of the world that worships Goddesses and mocks the women in the perfect harmony that there could be. India has always been a mixture of contradictory beliefs.
Where this is quite certain in the minds of people that marrying off their daughter is the best they can do for her, they fail to take in reality. They fail to accept that they do not live in the ancient era that only allows a woman to be meek and compromising. To be pleased and thankful to be living under a man’s protection.
With the change of era, the meaning of marriage has significantly changed. Today women need not only protection from the outside but also the inside. They need to be independent; they need to know things that can help them survive in this world.
The male-dominated society, however, has managed to sow the seeds of early marriage as a blessing in disguise in the minds of the women they have respectfully brought in their houses. To feel validated about everything they do and every decision they make.
The Reason
The reason for early marriage? The girl’s mind isn’t mature, and she’ll do as is told, learn to adjust, and settle as per the requirements of her far older and mature husband. And, of course, will easily bend to the whims of her in-laws, whatever those might be. Without understanding that what she is doing, unknowingly, is making her own life miserable, pleasing everybody, and not caring about her wishes, aspirations, and needs. Let’s hope she gets a somewhat understanding and caring husband, who cares about what she thinks. In the case of the contrary, let’s hope she finds it in herself to either make peace with her fate or finds the courage to speak her mind out.
- Source: AZQUOTES
And that’s not where the problem ends. Before the girl realizes what’s happening with her, she bears a child. That throws out every thought that could make her revolt, for the sake of the child, of course.
And you’d think that’s where things come in her hand? You couldn’t be more wrong! If ever, she decides to revolt, the threats from her parents would be so unashamedly selfish, that she’d prefer to burn in hell instead. You’d wonder she’d be able to turn to her parents for the respect and help she needs, erm, no, that’s where status and society enter. ‘What would society think and say?’ becomes a more significant concern for the parents than the well-being of their child! This mindset that still clouds the minds of a large number of people in our country, if not all, certainly not all.
But are only the parents to be blamed? Girls often dig the grave of their careers themselves by willfully succumbing to the societal trends of getting married as soon as they can. They fail to realize the consequence of abandoning the only means of their survival, education, in their eagerness to please the society. God forbid, if anything were to happen to make their life miserable, any abuse or violence, they’d either live in that misery till the day they die or will resort to the severe alternative, suicide. The need of the hour is the realization that marriage can wait education cannot.
The Revolution
Teach your daughters to stand up for their rights rather than to make compromises at all times. Not that I oppose adjustment because that’s impossible. For a healthy marriage or for that matter for any healthy relationship, change and compromise are the deciding factors. But there should be a balance, a harmony, a blend of understanding from both sides. You can’t possibly ask a person to make all the sacrifices while you dominate the ride.
And before teaching your daughters about compromise, teach them how to earn a living. By not entitling your daughter with her right to education, you’re actively contributing to the possible downfall of your daughter’s life.
Girls, work it out, make it possible to blend career and marriage instead of choosing one over the other. If not, then establish a fair means of income before taking a lifelong subscription of holy matrimony. Break the shackles of pathetic traditions that cast an eternal shadow on your existence. Always remember, marriage can wait education cannot.
What do you think? Which should come first? Share your experience and advice in the comments below.
Until next time,
Let’s make the world better in our little ways.
Bye Bye! 🙂
I absolutely agree with your thoughts, Ceci! 🙂
Yes, the need of the hour is for women to stay firm on their belief. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Ramya! 🙂
Rightly said, Sunita! Education is a priority. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
True words. Thank you for the appreciation, Maniparna! 🙂
Agreed! 🙂
+ Radhika Mundra.
A good education means so much these day's, (Level's of understanding this World), knowledge, developing the power's of reasoning and judgement (perception wise), most of all people skill's (learning to Love n respect/ relate with other's around us), as well as the most crucial of building self-confidence . It's a crying shame that that other cultures only see young girl's/ women as breeding stock. Have a good day and Thank you for sharing this very controversial topic. :))
Educate the girl. Marriage in my opinion should always wait because it's better to get into when you're matured and have a sound understanding of how the world is and where you fit in it, more so what exactly you're looking for in a partner.
We have moved on but we still in a highly male-dominated society. I agree with you here, few girls are forced to marry at an early age. Hosseni's quote is so true. I wish the world would change and moreover we as women be firm,strong and assertive and be the change. 🙂
There is no doubt that education is very important, whether you chose to get married and stay at home or continue a career after marriage. It broadens your outlook and gives you a maturity to handle life better, so in any case education is a priority.
Education enables a girl to understand everything more clearly and eventually leads to financial independence, which, I think, is very important in this country. Very well-written, dear… 🙂
Definitely education. Marriage is a gamble which could fail. But education will be used for lifetime and will never let you down.
Radhika, firstly, I am really glad and impressed to know your thoughts on such issues because the road to liberation starts with a thought. I agree with you more than 100% that a girl should be educated and well-earning in a career of her choice before she gets married. Marriage should be the last concern here.
Even in a city like Mumbai, which is considered the most modern, I regularly see girls being married off early or being looked down upon simply because she hasn't married even after completing 25. This tradition is actually atyachaar. It's a violation of basic human rights which is sugarcoated as tradition.
Please keep writing. We need more such voices.
Warm regards,
Keyur 🙂
Pleasure is mine 🙂 I had written about this around 2 years ago. Will give you the link.
Beautifully penned! And marriage can definitely wait as well as it is just an opinion. Education is the best companion any living being could possibly get, when you have that you can opt for an other companion if you wish to. And in all relationships, understanding and compromise is a must but the beauty of that would be felt only when it is mutual. Hope the change comes within every individual..
I think every girl should get a good education before getting married and having kids. Things change to quickly in this world things and people can be lost to you but a good education is always with you …I pray for the young girls in this world who are forced to marry to young sadly most of the time their lives are ruined by this.They lose so much by this thinking ….girls are just as important as the men are in this world they all need to understand this
Thanks for writing on this topic..!! It really is required to draw an attention towards the perception still being followed in 21st Century – a girl is still dominated by others (may it be parents, brothers or society).
Girls have always been dominated and their voices have been scrubbed. Not only #Marriage vs #Education but a girl should be given an equal respect to a boy. The root cause of girls being dominated is the "GENDER DISCRIMINATION". The day this discrimination is eliminated I guess we never have to raise any such issue.
Coming back to the topic, Yes! education is of utmost importance for every individual only then this discrimination will fade away. Every Girl being a HUMAN has the same rights to that of a BOY so she should be given the freedom to choose her future – now its upto her if she wants to get married and settled at an early age or if she wishes to pursue her career and then settle as an Independent Lady..!!
But this has a second aspect too – if a girl has been married at an early age and her dreams were not allowed to be chased, I expect for an ideal husband to let her wife chase her dreams only then the Marriage is fruitful 🙂
Ideally, I agree that the society should change their perception and allow the females to have an independent life by trusting them and not doubting them 🙂
Education – first – definitely
Great post!! Education as well as fending for oneself should be a priority. 🙂
It's such a thought provoking and powerful post. Many of us don't realize the power of education and financial freedom. The rush for marriage always put women at a disadvantage in society. It enhance the culture of exploitation.
Hi Radhika,
Congratulations!
You have been featured in Tangy Tuesday Picks on September 13, 2016.
http://blog.blogadda.com/2016/09/13/tangy-tuesday-picks-suicide-prevention-blog
Keep Blogging!
Team BlogAdda
Good one Radhika..loved your post. Agree with you that there is a need of change in our society and mostly in the mindset of people. Nothing can change until and unless we girls take a firm decision..keep writing 🙂
Rightly said!Women themselves fall into societal pressure and ruin their lives most of the times
A most controversial topic ! Marriage is still regarded as the 'high point' in a woman's life. Sadly it is something that only the woman herself can change .The recent interview in which Sania Mirza took a stand is just the beginning that women are now warming up to change.
Would love to read! 🙂
Thanks so much, Divya! True, it has to be mutual for things to work out. 🙂
Thanks so much Christine for sharing your valued thoughts. I agree, this topic brings many thoughts to mind. It truly is a shame that even at this advanced age people do treat women as breeding stock.
I'm glad you took up education as and when you could. No shame, at least you're trying! Half of the people give up so easily. Power to you! 🙂
Have a great day yourself! 🙂
Glad to know, Vickie! 🙂
True, the world needs to understand this and hopefully, that day'll come soon! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sara, have a nice day! 🙂
Thanks, Vani! Agreed, it totally should be.
Thanks so much, Ranveer, for voicing the bitter truth. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much for the feature, BA! I hope people realize the importance and instill a change in their own ways! 🙂
True, we all need to take a stand for ourselves! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Deepa! 🙂
True, Hemant, these notable personalities did justice to themselves by taking charge of their lives! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
Thanks so much, Subha! 🙂
True, Sweta. Although marriage is undeniably, a high point in the lives of both individuals but education is too and that needs to be understood. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sweta!
Good to know your thoughts, Ruchi! 🙂
Well said! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
Thank you so much for pointing out the bigger issue, Navneet. The tides are turning and we might see a new era where equality between the genders ensues.
About the ideal husband, for that too happen, the male child should be taught about equality of genders right from the beginning.
Thanks for sharing your valuable thoughts! 🙂
Agreed with this marriage can wait …. I too believe in this and want my kids to complete studies before getting into responsible life…be responsible to take responsiblity 🙂
http://forfoodiefamily.wordpress.com
Copy and paste of my G+ comment:
"My opinion doesn't matter. Ask the "girl child" hers and listen to what her heart is telling you. If having a happy daughter is important then let her have a say in her future."
Cool. Marriage too is an education in itself, though I believe you speak of academic education. Independence is a birthright. It should be fought for. Its worth it.
there is nothing bigger and more important than education and knowledge. Everything else is secondary. I say knowledge becuase a lot of times, knowledge is better than formal education
Nice thoughts on the journey of a women through life. I can not think of space/field where women are not excelling. We are at a transition phase of the society where things are taking shape. So, cheers.
I agree, it should be fought for! 🙂
True, Tina! Everything is secondary.
Cheers to your thoughts, Sunny! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Thanks so much, Anu! Education is a must for all of us.
There is a saying – "Educate a man and he gets educated. Educate a woman and you educate a family ". That thought kept resonating as I read this article.
Education, being independent and being confident are very important. All these proceed marriage.
I'm glad it did. Thank you for stopping by, Anil! 🙂
Marriage, specially in our society, has been injected like a polio vaccine.. you just have to do it n do it asap! Though what I'm writing is not completely on the subject matter of this post..I wish to bring forward a different tangent to this post, covering the topic as an individual, be it a girl or a boy. Hope I make some sense.
We all have goals and dreams, all of which become less likely to be achieved with age. Of course, some goals do take decades to achieve, but some of our dreams can be realized right away, yet we choose to delay them. Marriage makes bringing these dreams to fruition much less likely. You get caught up in it all and lose focus. If your dream requires a lot of focus then going solo for longer will be more beneficial.
This doesn't mean that you necessarily should avoid dating altogether, but marriage brings on a whole different set of problems and level of stress. If you love your partner and want to be with him or her, then you have to continue following your dreams. You can make a relationship work, but keeping that sense of freedom is key. We all want to feel free, even if it's only an illusion.
Vijay Kewalramani
Right, Saru, thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
I agree to your thoughts, Vijay. We all want to be free and that is the only goal. Thanks for sharing your valuable thoughts! 🙂
Thanks so much, Manan! 🙂
It is really great article… Liked it.
Education is the building block of person's life education will open other avenues. Education must be priority and girl child should be educated, good education will lead to good marriage